Grouchy Golf Blog

Thursday, November 10, 2005 at 12:42 AM

Viewer Mail: Wedgehead Writes...

The Grouchy Golf Blog (GGB) welcomes your grouchy golf observations. If you have a grouchy golf observation that you would like to be posted on the GGB, please email it to the address in the sidebar. Remember, all submissions become the property of the GGB. Submissions chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity.

The following grouchy golf observation was submitted by a dedicated grouchy golf reader named Wedgehead. He recently moved to southern California and played a golf course that I recommended. Remember, if you play a course that I recommend, prepare to get grouchy. Here's his story of his first round at Los Verdes Golf Course.

Don't Touch My Balls!

Hey Grouch, thanks for the recommendations...I wasn't playing so well but on one of the finishing holes, a long par 5 doglegging left along the Pacific ocean, I hit my best drive of the day. A nice long draw tracing the fairway in a stiff left-to-right wind no-less.

As we left the tee box, two carts come screaming out of the trees way to the right. Seems these knuckleheads were so far to the right we all hit right past them thinking it was clear. I immediately knew it would be a problem as my ball was well up the fairway a good 100+ yds past the 4 guys I was playing with. I tried to tell the guy driving my cart (he offered me a lift a few holes in) to pull ahead to my ball, but he didn't understand. I jumped out and hastily walked up to the groups ahead of us looking for my ball. They were playing a scramble, and I knew it could be confusing. Sure enough, they take off and I yell. One hears and stops, the other goes all the way to green. I give him "the where's my ball?" hand motion and he says "Titleist 2 with a blue dot?", and I say "YES!"

He says he'll get it for me and zooms up the green where he pulls up to the other cart, now 225 away from me, gets my ball, and yells "Here's your ball!" He drops it, and hits it back down the fairway about 165 yds!

Thanks pal. Whaddadick.

I don't care if I did hit "hypothetically" "into them", who the hell picks up a marked, un-blemished PRO-VI from right smack dab in the middle of the fairway? Even the most un-ettiquated duffer has to know:

A) that IS a $4 golf ball, and
B) that is one hell of a shot by that guy coming down the fairway right behind you, and he deserves proper replacement in the general vicinity of where it was picked up.

Hit it back to me??? 60 yds short??? Dick.

Sorry about the long rant, but maybe an article about "when/when not to pick up a ball" is in order for more serious grouching.

Golf Grouch Comment: Wedge, no need for me to write about it, you did just fine. Thanks for the story!


Blogger Evil Chasmodian said...

This illustrates one of the great paradoxes of the game: It's great because practically anyone who's motivated can get out and play golf. Problem is, practically anyone who's motivated can get out and play golf...

Few folks, it seems, actually get exposed to golf etiquette (or hell, SOCIAL etiquette for that matter). I mean, I have picked up my share of golf balls in my day---off in the deep woods while chasing my OWN Tiger-right balls. BUT, I have the limited intelligence needed to be reasonably confident that the shiny new ball lying in great shape in the middle of my fairway is either a.) a beautiful shot by someone behind me or b.) an ATROCIOUS shot from an adjacent fairway that at least got lucky enough to be laying in "A" fairway for their recovery.

The same knuckleheads HAD to have someone who had taken 8 serpentine approach shots to GET to a green only to plumbbob and circle a put eyeing it like they're vying for the U.S. Open with this putt only to chunk it 8 feet short/past/wide/anything but close while the group behind is about to have a stroke waiting on them.

Like my Mom (the English teacher) used to say, "You can't fix stupid."  


Blogger woundedduck said...

Since Socal courses are so over-stuffed with golfers, many of whom are morons as described in the above post, courses should demand only players with a certain handicap can play on the weekends. Whether semi-private or muni, I've never played a course on the weekend that wasn't jam-packed, so I don't think there would be any profit loss if courses cherry-picked their patrons just a little. St. Andrews (I know St. Andrews, St. Andrews is a friend of mine, and Woodley Lakes, you're no St. Andrews) demands a handicap of 28 or better, so why not L.A. munis?  


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm an old skateboarder who has taken up golf to give my bones a rest and to hang out with my dad and brother more. i live in a place where it snows so in the winter i go to a privately owned indoor skatepark for a little bit of exercise.
the first time i went to this skatepark, i had to sign a legal waiver, stating that if i get hurt, its my fault and i can't sue. i also had to sign another paper that has listed the rules of conduct. the whole process took under ten minutes. they put my name on file and now whenever i go there, they can expect that i will behave properly. if i choose to act like an ass, the kick me out. no refund. its as simple as that.
imagine if public courses had the same system!
they could basically state in the rules of conduct, that if a ranger catches some hack breaking a rule, then he can be ejected from the course without a refund.
i'll bet that you would never see so much as a ball mark on a course with such a policy.  


Anonymous Wedgehead said...

I really like Woundedduck's idea. I mean, it somewhat happens naturally already. Any experienced golfer knows that the later it gets in the day, the more jerks will be on the course.

But to just make it official would be great:

Let's say 0-18's only between first tee and 9 am?

Let it be a free-for-all after that.  


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