Grouchy Golf Blog

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 at 8:29 PM

The Golf Gods Smile on Me

If you've played golf long enough, you'll know that there are supernatural forces that govern the game. There must be, because golf appears to be the easiest sport ever conceived. All you do is hit a small ball into a hole in the fewest amount of strokes. Unlike every other sport that I know, the ball isn't even moving before you hit it! How hard can that be?

Not only does the concept of golf sound easy, but it looks easy to play as well. Televised professional golf makes it look like anyone can play golf like a pro. Sure, there are the über-athletes that play golf professionally, like Tiger, but there are far more pros that look like they failed gym class more than once. Heck, Tim "Lumpy" Herron, Laura Davies, Pat Hurst, and Craig the "Walrus" Stadler look like they all came straight off a fat farm. John Daly takes it a step further by smoking between holes. If you don't need to be an athlete to play a sport professionally, how difficult can it be?

Well this is a case that supports the old adage, "looks can be deceiving." While golf seems laughably easy to the uninitiated, it is actually known as one of the hardest sports to master. Some argue that mere mortals can never truly master golf. Golfers know that it is really a game that defies all logic. It's no wonder that as many people quit golf as take it up in any given year.

Supernatural forces are the only logical explanation for the maddening nature of this godforsaken game. The Golf Gods monitor all things golf to ensure that it is always a challenge to us mortals. The God of the Slice is the most active and well-known member of golf's heavenly ruling body, but there is also the God of the Hook, the God of the Worm-Burner, and the most feared of all, the God of the Shank. They demand respect and are quick to strike down those who are irreverent.

But sometimes, the Golf Gods will bless us to keep our faith. Such was the case for me last week. For the longest time, the driver was my bread and butter club. I could hit a high percentage of fairways averaging a little over 250 yards. But about 2 months ago, I completely lost the ability to hit my driver. In fact, Rich over at eatgolf.com was an eyewitness to this inexplicable phenomenon. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out my driver and my driving game sunk to depths last reached by the Titanic.

But just when I was about to chuck my driver and the rest of my clubs into the Pacific Ocean, the Golf Gods intervened. Not only did they reunite me with my driver, they elevated my entire golf game. On my home course, Brookside #1, I began the day with a solid 3 over on the front nine. Miraculously, I shot even on the back to finish at a personal best of 3 over! It was one of those rare days when golf actually seemed easy. I hit 9 of 15 fairways and my misses still had a great lie and angle to hit the green. Likewise, I hit 11 GIRs and my misses were still in great position to get up and down. Putting is my usual nemesis, but even the God of the Yips smiled upon me. Not a single 3-Jack! My love for the game of golf was completely reinvigorated by the mercy of the Golf Gods.

As Michael Corleone said in The Godfather, Part III, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." Yes Michael, "they" are the Golf Gods.

Anonymous Eat Golf said...

No comment from Eat here... :)

I could tell you had game though, pro-style swing, crisp irons, polished short game but that driver..

No no, I'm not saying anything...

Just a fraction of an inch off maybe - or a split second in timing might be

No comment here from me did you hear something?..

Is that the proper shaft, must be a shaft issue; maybe that shaft is broken or split towards the bottom? wait, what kind of driver is that???

Whoa, no comment, no G, I never noticed you were having trouble off the tee. Really? When we played?

No comment here..

Okay, Fine, I was there, it was hard to watch, I witnessed the fiasco;
two words: UGLY. I'll leave it at that... yeah that was only one word but was a good one.



PS Those that have never had an off day with their driver raise their hand:

**everybody on the internet raises their hand except for mediaguru**

Sympathy level hovering around zero for any golfer who only lost one ball OB this year Media..  


Anonymous Eat Golf said...

Oh and congratulations on the 3 over - At Brookside #1 that is some GOOD golf.

Real good - well done!  


Blogger Golf Grouch said...

Hey Rich,

Thanks for the comments, I think. It did cross my mind that you were the cause of my driving woes. But that's just nonsense. It's obviously the work of the Golf Gods.

But just to be safe, maybe we shouldn't play golf for a while...  


Anonymous Eat Golf said...

It couldn't be me G, people around me always play lights out - I'm like an aura of good luck.. Muahahah

Maybe it was that Red Gatorade you brought?  


Blogger dave said...

Enjoyable post and it has to be true because we have all been through it. I was never blessed with that great a game but I did manage to hit the ball straight more than my share of the time.  


Blogger CB said...

Nice round Grouch.

Does anyone here remember their great rounds as clearly as their, let's say, 'flawed' rounds? My problem is that I rememer that 93 way more clearly than the 80 I put up on the same course the next week. Oh well, didn't mean to rain on the parade, 3 over is awesome.  


Blogger Golf Grouch said...

Thanks CB. But yes, I usually let the bad rounds haunt me too. Since those are more frequent, it occupies more of my mind. However, I'll always remember my best rounds...  


Anonymous Anonymous said...

might want to add the discounts that tgw is offereing  


Blogger "Doc" said...

Try playing an 18 hole round on the tundra. Always in the rough.
I play as many rounds as I can during the short arctic summer. I have found thought that after many years of playiong golf on the tundra that I can break 80 on a southern course.
Tundra golf. An even harder game.


Blogger Golf Grouch said...


Please email me any golf deals and I will post them on my blog. Thanks!  


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