Grouchy Golf Blog

Monday, July 12, 2004 at 11:14 PM

Hoseltov! - A New WMD?

I'll always remember reading about how Tiger's Mizuno MP-14 irons (before he was paid to play equipment) all had a dime-sized wear spots smack dab on the sweet spot. Unfortunately, I've noticed that the wear spots on my irons happen to be all over the face, including the hosel. Yes, the hosel. In other words, I have a bad case of the $hanks(I dare not spell out the actual word as it will certainly spread to you, the reader)!

Anyone who's ever gotten the case of the $hanks, knows the misery of this affliction. Unfortunately, there is no known 100% remedy.

The $hanks hit me for the first time about 2 months ago while I was golfing in San Diego ( and Barona) with some friends. The trip started out great as my "A" game surfaced at the Torrey Pines South Course to produce a legit 84 from the white tees (6,885 yards) in conditions last seen in the movie, "The Perfect Storm." Torrential rain and winds actually halted our play for about an hour. After my magical round, I thanked the Golf Gods and sacrificed one of my Pro V1s to appease them.

The next day, we played Barona. I shared a cart that day with my buddy Anthony, a low single-digit handicap. Things began much like the previous day with my "A" game still intact, carrying me even par through the first two holes. I thought, "Damn, I am finally becoming a good golfer just like Anth!" The Golf Gods must have heard my over-confidence. On the 3rd hole, both me and Anth hit good drives within 10 yards of each other with about 150 yards to the pin. Anth hit first, but shockingly full on $hanked his 7-iron about 20 yards dead right! I stood there in disbelief, wondering how this could happen to such an accomplished golfer. This is a dude who once played on a college golf team. I was thinking, "If the $hanks can happen to Anth, then it could damn well happen to me" as I setup for my next shot. With that thought penetrated deep within my psyche, I also $hanked my 7-iron.

The disease seemed to spread in epidemic fashion as my buddy John exhibited preliminary symptoms on the next hole with a topped fairway wood (it would have been a $hank if fairway woods had exposed hosels). Our friend Larry noticed the rapid spread of the apparent airborne virus and kept a safe distance from all of us. Luckily, he was spared.

At the time, I thought that the $hanks would only be a brief phenomenon. You know, something that would vanish after a good night's rest. I couldn't be more wrong. Virtually every round that I have played since, I have $hanked a shot. I've tried to fix it at the range, only to $hank it with more frequency. Recently, I have nightmares where I'm on course to shoot a 58, only to $hank my approach shot on the last hole into the drink. I think I now have a pretty good idea what Finchy went through in the mid 1990s.

I've heard that President Bush is focused on the development of next generation weapons systems. Based on my experience, I recommend that Bush look at weaponizing the $hanks. It is truly a dangerous and undefeatable force. Look what it did to !


Blogger AmbiDextri said...

weight on your heels, mate, weight on your heels.
that's the best cure I've found, just make sure you keep back on the backswing until you get your confidence back. Perhaps you've seen the trick where, while on the range, put a ball under the toes of each foot and make your swing nice and slow. You can't shank it!  


Blogger Jat said...

The only cure that I know of and works 100% of the time is to drop the game. Even playing left handed won't do the trick.

Although dropping the game for 6 months appears to have a 50% success rate.  


Blogger Mae said...

And you thought I wouldn't be interested in your blogs cuz they're about golf. Well, despite the fact that I still don't know what you're talking about, but can sorta kinda guess, you should still know that you write very well...and well, it's just good to see you writing.  


Blogger Tom G. said...

It could be worse, you could have a dime-sized mark on your hosel.  


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read a good article in Golf Digest by some hell golfing veteran and he said that the best cure for the shanks he had ever come across was for a guy who smoked a nice antique pipe.

This guy only shanked when he chipped but the principle should still be the same. He got the guy to place his favourite pipe just on the other side of his ball and then to make a swing at the ball. Because the guy does not want to smash his pipe he will swing on the correct path (with a possible over-compensation to the inside) which might even result in a nice little draw. This is also a drill that I use with my driver when I am fighting a low heel fade/slice.  


Blogger terri crawford said...

Often a hosel rocket is the result of your moving everything but your
bowels on the downswing. This is generally a consequence of an outside to inside swing plane, a late release and maybe a lateral hip slide. Some people have a pronounced hip slide, or they flip
their wrists through the strike zone, chicken wings anyone? I heard Jim Hardy's new book talks about a whole new 1 plane swing. Perhaps you'd be wise to take a read..haaa. Maybe a new swing is what you need.  


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a relatively low handicap golfer who suffered the s***** (can't even say the word) about two years ago for about two months. Went to the range and had to dig a lot of dirt to fix it. I found that by delaying the down swing and not taking a big arc on the down swing it finally rectified itself. In the short term line up with your ball on the toe of the club -- not great shots but adequate. The other thing I did was cheat and put the coke can just ouside the ball ann just behind to promote an in to to out path.  


Post a Comment